To Dad on Father's Day

Dear Dad,
Wow, daddy, it's been almost 9 years since you left, so much has happened since we were last able to chat. It's Father's Day 2010 and I really miss you today. Mom is right there beside you, she lived for almost 7 years after you were gone.
First of all, let me thank you both for giving me life and teaching me about the wonderful love of Jesus and His Amazing Grace! Life just hasn't been the same since you left. It seems so unfair to have to reduce your life to four words on your tombstone, as there is so much left unsaid. As I think about it, we should have put mechanical genius on there as I don't believe that there was anything that you could not fix. Whether it was our well-worn cars or washing machines or your cameras or a diesel engine in the jungles of Bolivia, you somehow were able to find the problem and get it going again. For what little of that I inherited from you, I am forever grateful.
I did the best I could taking care of the Georgia-Cumberland Conference plane for them and sadly, they had an engine failure on takeoff and crashed, killing five of God's hard workers. I will never get over that. You would recall our personal plane that you sold to a minister in Arizona that crashed in 1973 and killed 3 ministers. You would never get over that so we share that in common. After flying professionally all of my life and working on airplanes with you since I was 8 years old I am convinced of one thing: The forces of evil work harder on those committed to doing good in this world.
The most painful thing I have to tell you is that after 30 years of marriage, Cindy and I lost our way. I will take most of the blame for that and just say that when people don't stay totally focused and committed to each other, amazingly bad things can happen when you aren't even looking. The kids are fine, staying in tune and keeping in touch, and for that I am so grateful. Brad just recently provided me with my first grandchild, Sadie, with Jessica, who is busy finishing up medical school residency at Loma Linda. Shayna is busy with her Optometry program while her husband works as a pastor in the Portland, OR area. I have recently had a couple of great opportunities to visit them both.
I feel so lucky to have a new lady in my life, Karen, whom I met while working in the Pittsburgh, PA area. We are really newlyweds but already moved to New Delhi, India so that I could work at my new job here, flying for Jindal Steel and Power. She has been so supportive and patient with me while I recovered from a lot of pain as a result of all that bad stuff mentioned above. There have been times when I haven't been very loveable for sure. But, Shayna suggested that this job was probably sent from above to help me recover and I am hoping that all works out. So far, so good.
Also, since you left, unbelievably, Jim's wife, Vickie, was in a very bad auto accident in 2007 and has basically been in some altered state of consciousness ever since. That means that poor Jim has been alone and trying to finish raising the 3 girls by himself. Who would have ever thought that all this would happen? Life sure is full of twists and turns, that's for sure. There are times when I would just love to sit down with you and, while we work together on whatever piece-of-junk car you owned at the moment or agreed to fix for a friend, and with grease up to our elbows, we could try to make sense of our situation. There was always something very satisfying about coming in from the garage with the motor or transmission or the mechanical challenge of the day, now working. Cleanup was a very pleasant task after that. I don't see any solutions to all the messes here and I haven't had the opportunity to go out in the garage and fix something since 2006 when I had my last real garage to work in. Yeah, the house went away and lawyers advised a financial restart after the plane crashed. That was a bitterly hard pill to swallow but when you are at the emotional bottom of an absolute pit, I just felt like I was watching a horror show and it was my life and I couldn't change the channel. I can feel your strong will trying to make things right but it's okay. I have gotten over most of the pain and I have accepted the consequences of my actions. I actually feel positive about where I am now. Notice I didn't say Great, just Positive. The good part about it is that I haven't lost my way.
God is still an active part of my life, and while I have made numerous mistakes, I feel His tremendous care and watchkeeping over me.
I have been wanting to tell you all this stuff since it first began to happen but I get too emotional about it and I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Now, on this Father's Day, and since you are gone, I have really written this letter to myself. I have been thinking a lot about you. I know you loved the warm weather in Phoenix/Scottsdale and up there on Bell Road, it is certainly warm. Where I live here in India now, it's more than warm. If you came for a visit, you would like the temperatures. Mainly, I just wanted to tell you what all the big changes are since you are gone. Life just seemed like a roller coaster that was headed downhill fast and somewhere along the way went off the rails. Thank goodness His grace covers our follies.
While life is nothing like I ever imagined it would be, it is good, and I needed to tell you all this. I miss you and love you and can't wait to see you. God has tremendously blessed me with two amazingly wonderful kids and with a wonderful lady to help watch over me. Soon we'll sit down and talk about all this and be amazed again at God's Amazing Grace.
Love,
Dan